


a twilight's unease

by purplehyacinths07



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 20:58:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18557743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplehyacinths07/pseuds/purplehyacinths07
Summary: Doyoung is kept awake by his inner turmoils late at night. Luckily, a certain someone is right there with him.





	a twilight's unease

The night is full and will always be full of uncertainties. With no one ever really knowing what's beyond the present and what's beyond this world.., this world enshrouded in its many mysteries.

 

 

  
And that's just one of the things that keep Doyoung up at night.

 

 

  
Doyoung worries a lot. Like a whole **LOT**. As evident with how he's here right now wide awake, worrying, when every single inhabitant of their dorm is asleep, as the majority of the people living in South Korea, like the rest of the people in the world who's living in Asia. Case in point, he worries a lot that he's really out here worrying about himself worrying.

 

 

Doyoung worries a lot but he likes not to show it to anyone. He prefers to hide his panic, his questions, and his doubts through gritted teeth, fake smiles, and a poker face. Maybe if he fakes himself being calm, then it'd actually become true.

 

 

Sometimes he wishes he could take to Mark's advice of "Nervous? Don't be." but nothing in life is ever that easy. If Doyoung could instantly just throw away his worries like a ragdoll then he would've done that already.

 

 

  
A frustrated sigh escapes from his lips, obviously just tired of having to overthink so many things and overthinking his overthinking. He's annoyed he is like this but hey, at least no one knows and no one can see him having a mental breakdown at an ungodly hour when he's inside the confines of his own room.

 

 

 

 

_Right...?_

 

 

 

 

"Should I be hurt that you forgot I'm just sleeping right beside you?" A voice speaks from right beside him and Doyoung isn't lying when he felt like he was probably going to get a heart attack.

 

 

 

It was much to Doyoung's horror and dismay to see the face of one Johnny Suh staring back at him with an unimpressed look on his face.

 

 

 

Doyoung thinks he probably looked like that The Scream painting by Edvard Munch during that moment. He might've actually screamed too. And then hit Johnny too. _**Once**_.

 

 

  
_Okay, maybe it wasn't once._

 

 

 

  
"Ouch, ouch, Doyoungie stop! Shhh! Calm down!"

 

 

 

  
_Okay, he hit him a lot._

 

 

But well you can't really blame him, he almost got a heart attack from seeing that ***cough***   _beautiful_   ***cough*** face.

 

 

 

It took quite a few seconds of Johnny's hands just restraining him and shushing him before he actually calmed down.

 

 

 

"shhhhh! You're gonna wake everyone up!" Johnny shushes him, placing a finger on his lips, and as stupid as it may sound, that actually effectively shut him up.

 

 

  
With Doyoung's tirades now over, the room's engulfed in silence once again, the moonlight shining through the windows, a blaring reminder of what time it actually is.

 

 

 

"Sorry," Doyoung says, breaking the silence.

 

 

 

"It's okay Youngie, I'm more curious as to why you're still awake at this hour. You've been muttering to yourself for quite some time now." Johnny muses, his voice, a tad bit deeper than usual due to him having been recently just woken up.

 

  
And Doyoung realizes something.

 

 

 

"Oh God Johnny! I woke you up! I'm sor-"

  
And for the third time that night ( _or day... whatever it is_ ), Doyoung was effectively shushed by Johnny and his long ass fingers.

 

  
"Just shut up-"

 

 

If it were any day, Doyoung would've argued with Johnny over the consequences of telling him to shut up but right now his mental state is in utter chaos and he disturbed him, so he decides to hold back his tongue.

 

 

"-for a minute and just calm down..."

 

 

Doyoung wishes it was that easy.

 

 

"...take deep breaths..."

 

  
And so he did.

 

 

"There.. there..." Johnny waves his hand to match the rhythm of what is at least supposed to be slow breathing.

 

"Are you good now?" He asks, now completely sitting down. It's obvious that Johnny was very much rudely awakened by his mental tantrums, his eyes drooping, and blinking a few times as it tries to stay awake, and his hair was tousled, looking like a bird's nest and is just not as perfect as how all their fans usually see it. Doyoung isn't ashamed to admit that he did look very much cute right now, and he'd probably comment on it were it not the state he's in right now.

 

"Haah... Yes, I'm fine now. I'm really sorry about that... about waking you up. I didn't really notice I was being loud."

 

 

 

To be really, truthfully, frankly, and sincerely honest, Doyoung still wasn't fine at all. He's still on edge, the nerves really getting to him, and he feels like he still hasn't come down from his adrenaline high, but when compared to the moment he realized that Johnny was actually just right there sleeping (he's awake during that time but you get the point) beside him, he's far calmer now and that's what mattered.

 

 

 

"Doie..." He drags out the last syllable, sounding like he was whining but he's really chiding him. "...you don't disturb me okay. Stop worrying about that, or just don't think about that already. I'm not mad, I'm not annoyed, and I'm not disturbed." Johnny berates him almost like he is a child who got scolded for breaking another child's toy.

 

 

 

Even with the small difference in age, Doyoung always felt like a child being taught a lesson by his parents whenever Johnny talks to him like this. And as much as Doyoung hates to admit it. He really likes it. He's used to being one of the people who always take charge, upkeeping order, and such. Don't get him wrong though. He doesn't hate being in charge or feels like it's a hassle being put in such a position. In fact, he revels in the satisfaction it gives him when things go the way they're supposed to be because it was he who lead them, it was him, who took charge of things. It's just that over time, he developed this nasty habit of overthinking whether every single thing was cut clean perfect and nothing will go wrong that turned him into the anxious mess he is right now.

 

 

"So do you want to talk about it?"

 

 

Johnny seems really very tired and sleepy, just slurring his words out, eyes closing for a few seconds trying their hardest to make sure he just doesn't doze off completely.

 

 

 

"No... It's fine. I'm okay now." Doyoung says, his answer taking Johnny completely off guard, eyes widening by a small fraction.

 

"A-are you sure?" Johnny stutters, really confused by his answer. Doyoung finds it endearing.

 

"Mmhm. I'm sure of it, Mr. Suh." A small smile graced Doyoung's face, because slowly and slowly, even with just Johnny's presence, he is starting to calm down.

 

"Well if you say so." Johnny turned his back to him and immediately dozed off to la la land.

 

 

 

 

"No, wait actually—" Johnny says before sitting right up and unceremoniously dragging Doyoung down with him to bed.

 

 

 

Doyoung suffers once again from his second almost heart attack of the night _(or day, he still is confused actually)_ when Johnny just straight up slung an arm on his shoulder and then dragged him down to bed with him. Gently, Johnny cradles Doyoung's head closer to his chest.

 

 

It took a few seconds before Doyoung gains bearings of his surroundings and what just happened.

 

 

 

"You know you could've just told me to lie my head on your chest you know?" Doyoung huffs out, displeased at the actions which his _friend_ just took. He's met by the sounds of Johnny's snores as the only response to his rhetorical question.

 

 

 

Doyoung lets out a small giggle, laughing, amused at the absurdity of what his boyfriend just did. Trust Johnny to do things his own way.

 

 

 

 

  
His ** _boyfriend._**

 

 

 

 

  
That's really where Johnny enters the equation. Johnny has, is, and will always and forever be his solace. Doyoung's solace. With Johnny is where he always feel at peace. With Johnny is where he always feel calm. Just like right now, where Johnny is probably and happily dreaming of his adventures with his beloved whale, Blue, here he was, lying atop his chest, hearing the sounds of his breathing and his heartbeat which really serves to soothe him instantly, just calming him down. In all the times, where Doyoung subverted into his headspace, worrying about the most simple and the most complicated of things, it was always Johnny who brings him down. Taking charge of things are truly one of the things which Doyoung loves doing without being asked, but there are times when even he wants to be free from the responsibility, even for just a little while, and that's why Johnny is like an oasis to him. Johnny is there to make sure he'd stay in his lane, Johnny is there to make sure that he doesn't go insane.

 

Honestly, what would Doyoung do without Johnny? He probably would've gone crazy already. He really doesn't deserve Johnny and he's really thankful to all the gods out there that decided that he is worth giving him this big teddy bear who takes great care of him.

  
Doyoung stares at the ceiling for a while, a serene smile gracing his lips.

 

 

 

"Hey, Johnny?..."

 

 

 

  
He doesn't expect a response anymore, the guy is very much deep into his sleep.

 

 

 

"...thank you for always being there for me. I love you."

 

 

 

  
The sounds of snores are still the only thing greeting him back.

 

 

Doyoung just continues to smile before finally... he closes his eyes as he slowly succumbs himself to slumber amidst the echoing beats of Johnny's heart.

  
-

  
The night is full and will always be full of uncertainties with no one ever really knowing what's beyond the past, the present, or the future. Doyoung knows that even amidst all the worrying he does, he knows that Johnny will always be there by his side and he's forever grateful for it. The universe is filled with endless mysteries and enigmas which are yet to be actually answered with a real solution or to be even found at all. Doyoung worries about many things in his life, and that's probably one of the only things he can really be certain of. He's sure, like totally sure that he'll probably never ever stop worrying about things even if they are mundane things but... Johnny's there... and for him?

 

 

  
That's all that matters.

 

**Author's Note:**

> it's messy and unbeta-ed but the important thing is i finally uploaded it
> 
> actually this is an old au i uploaded on twitter before which i decided to rewrite last month so this has been finished for quite awhile now but i just didn't upload it immediately cause i didn't have time lol
> 
> also this is really just self-indulgent, i just really want to write johndo with doie having youngho as his rock.
> 
> thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed it ^^ leave a kudo/comment if you want ^^
> 
>  
> 
> twitter: [ @purplehya07 ](twitter.com/purplehya07)


End file.
